The following list of phrases and their definitions might help
you understand the mysterious language of science and
medicine. These special phrases are also applicable to anyone
reading a PhD dissertation or academic paper.
"IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN"... I didn't look up the original
reference.
"A DEFINITE TREND IS EVIDENT"... These data are practically
meaningless.
"WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS TO
THE QUESTIONS"... An unsuccessful experiment, but I still hope
to get it published.
"THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY"... The
other results didn't make any sense.
"TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN"... This is the prettiest graph.
"THESE RESULTS WILL BE IN A SUBSEQUENT REPORT"... I might get
around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.
"IN MY EXPERIENCE"... Once
"IN CASE AFTER CASE"... Twice
"IN A SERIES OF CASES"... Thrice
"IT IS BELIEVED THAT"... I think.
"IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT"... A couple of others think
so, too.
"CORRECT WITHIN AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE"... Wrong.
"ACCORD1NG TO STATISTICAL ANALYSIS"... Rumor has it.
"A STATISTICALLY-ORIENTED PROJECTION OF THE SIGNIFICANCE OF
THESE FINDINGS"... A wild guess.
"A CAREFUL ANALYSIS OF OBTAINABLE DATA"... Three pages of
notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass of beer.
"IT IS CLEAR THAT MUCH ADDITIONAL WORK WILL BE REQUIRED BEFORE
A COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING OF THIS PHENOMENON OCCURS"... I don't
understand it
"AFTER ADDITIONAL STUDY BY MY COLLEAGUES"... They don't
understand it either.
"THANKS ARE DUE TO JOE BLOTZ FOR ASSISTANCE WITH THE
EXPERIMENT AND TO CINDY ADAMS FOR VALUABLE DISCUSSIONS"... Mr.
Blotz did the work and Ms. Adams explained to me what it
meant.
"A HIGHLY SIGNIFICANT AREA FOR EXPLORATORY STUDY"... A totally
useless topic selected by my committee.
"IT IS HOPED THAT THIS STUDY WILL STIMULATE FURTHER
1NVESTIGATION IN THIS FIELD"... I quit.
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a situation in which many ppl find hard to explain has been simplified.
Phua Chu Kang ( PCK ) explaining sex to Chu Beng's son, Aloysius ...
Aloy : Why is making love so enjoyable ?
PCK : Aiyah, ah boy, enjoyable becaws, same like when you dig your nose with your finger mah !
Aloy : Do you think women enjoy sex more than men?
PCK : Of course woman lah ! When you dig dig your nose, your nose feel better than your finger, right ?
Aloy : Why do women hate it when they get raped ?
PCK : Ai-yah ! Say, you walk along the load(road),den someone come over and dig your nose, you like or not ? Ehhh ? Don't pray pray ah
Aloy : Why is it a woman cannot have sex when she is having her menses?
PCK : Oy !! If your nose bleeding, you still go and dig meh?? Siow ah !Use your Blain(brain), use your blainnn ..........
Aloy : Why is it most men don't like wearing condoms when they are making love?
PCK : Ehhhh, when you dig your nose ah, you like to dig with a glove on your finger or not ? Not the same shiok feeling mah. Corlight (correct) or not?
Aloy : Why is making love carried out in private ?
PCK : Ah boyyyyy, use your blain, use your blainnnnn . you go and dig your nose in flont of your whole class izit ?? Stupid lah!!
Aloy : Wah ...... Uncle Chu Kang, you are very good.
PCK : Aiyah ...... best in Singapore and JB, and some say Batam also ah !!!
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A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment
to a couple of his friends late one night, and led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.
"What's that big brass gong?" one of the guests asked.
"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied.
"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.
"Yeah," replied the drunk.
"How's it work?" the other friend asked, squinting at it.
"Watch this," the drunk replied.
He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an
ear-shattering pound, and stepped back.
The three stood looking at one another for a moment.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall
screamed, "You asshole... it's 3:15 in the morning!!!"
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A budding poet trying his best...
Here I lie in stinky vapor,
Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,
Shall I lie, or shall I linger,
Or shall I be forced to use my finger.
Another to be poet, he wrote this below that...
Here I sit
Broken hearted
Tried to shit
But only farted
Someone who had a different experience wrote,
You're lucky
You had your chance
I tried to fart,
And shit my pants!
Perhaps it's true that people find inspiration in toilets.
I came here
To shit and stink,
But all I do
Is sit and think.
There are also people who come in for a different purpose...
Some come here to sit and think,
Some come here to shit and stink,
But I come here to scratch my balls,
And read the bullshit on the walls...
And finally, this should teach some a lesson...
Sign seen at a family restaurant toilet wall:
The hands that clean these toilets also make your food...
please aim properly.
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a little harder to catch this joke lol
At a meeting for peace negotiations Bill Clinton and Saddam Hussein were in Baghdad and when bill sat down in the conference room he noticed Saddam with three buttons on the arm of his chair. after a few minutes Saddam pressed the first button and a boxing glove sprung up and hit Bill square in the jaw. In the spirit of peace Bill decided to ignore this and continued talking until Saddam pressed the second button and a wooden bat swung out and hill Bill in the chin. Saddam started laughing. But again Bill ignored this and continued . A minute later Bill saw Saddam press the third button and he jumped in the air. But a big boot sprung out and hit him in the balls. Bill had decided he had enough of this and when back home.
Three weeks later the peace negotiations were re-scheduled in Washington and as Saddam sat down in Bills conference room he noticed Bill had three buttons on the arm of his chair. A little while after they started talking Bill pressed the first button but nothing happened, Bill started giggling. They continued to talk then Bill pressed the second button, Saddam moved but again nothing happened. Saddam was getting a little jumpy and Bill was laughing even harder. A few minutes later Bill pressed the third button and stared pissing himself but like the others nothing happened. Saddam had enough of this, stood up and said "That's it! I'm going back to Baghdad!" , to which Bill replied "What Baghdad?"
( if u cnt figure it out, ask me. xD )
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A young woman was pulled over for speeding by a Highway Patrolman.
As the policeman walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolman Ball.
He replied, Maam, Highway Patrolman don't have Balls.
There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he had just said.
He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and drove off.
She was laughing too hard to start her car.
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RaRa Pwned You @
9:46 PM